Dreamer

Sometimes I feels so tired....not of others (not wholly)...but of myself...this freaking constant anxiety....feeling of not good enough...feeling of not worthy...feeling your non existence will be more beneficial to your loved ones than your existence!!!! You are just tired between the worth of your living or giving up!!! Idea of giving up seems more lucrative more appealing day by day!!! World will b better off without your mess without this selfish self you are... you are not doing anyone favors...you just are hurting them more and more...they will be better off without you .. if that so please almighty give me the power to cease to exist as it is the right thing to do!!!! Please help me get rid of this life which is full of sins and burden.... And last of all please let me take me this left silently so that no loved one of mine will suffer of existence/non existence anymore....

so you think i'm strong? then you have never met me in the darkness, my hands folded together in grief. my eyes, rivers that can not stop flowing. bones that have dried up into deserts. you have never met me where fear seizes my breath. where i am too numb to move and too tired to try. you think i'm strong? then you have never met me in the silence; my body aching to make sense of it all. my mind wandering wild to places that it should not go. places that do not heal me or grow me or lift up my spirit. where quiet hurts because quiet lets me think. and thinking hurts because thinking makes me remember. and where remembering just makes me hurt all over again. you think i'm strong? then you have never met me in all of the storms where i ran for shelter and in all of the races that i had to quit. you haven't seen me fall apart at the seams. drunk on defeat. hitting the rock bottom low. nowhere to go - but to.....