I feel like somehow my life is on consistent repeat. We all imagine that as we grow up we change, and we leave behind a million versions of ourselves. We believe that when we change we are this totally new person, that we have somehow adopted new ways of life… but yet I always seem to find my way back here. I feel like I have a pattern, a pattern that I wish I could break, but one that I know will somehow continue on forever. Every couple months I end up back here, back to my writing, and inevitably back to reading quotes in order to feel better about my life. I want to feel like someone out there knows how I’m feeling. But the problem seems to be that I cannot for the life of me figure out how I am feeling in the first place. My intention was to find a quote to summarize my view of life. I wanted something poetic, something groundbreaking. Needless to say, I did not find that. I think the only way I ever would is if they tumbled out of these misguided fingers without purpose or pause.
Anyway I found myself drawn to the quotes about love. And a general theme that I was not expecting to notice was the theme of acceptance. Love is when a person listens to everything you say, and accepts you with your flaws. Love is when a person sees through the disguises, and chooses to stay. But when people love each other they starts expecting from their partner. I saw many of married friends who were once deeply in love or maybe they are currently in love as well. But somehow i wonder when they left home each day, left their partners. Were they going because they needed their own life, or were they going because they just didn’t want to be with their partners? The real problem was not apparent. I have all of these ideas about love. I have this picture of what love should be in my head, just as I’m sure everyone else does. Something that has been molded by Disney movies, and SRK's romantic movies. Love should be epic. Love should be earth-shattering. Love should stop time. Love should consume you. And this love which i see on daily basis in these people is not that, for one reason they cannot accept one another. They wishes their partner was someone else, someone better. They regrets the things their partners do. And it is because of this that I wonder if they really truly loves each other, or if they simply wants to, but cannot. It’s not a problem of them loving another, it’s about them not really loving each other. They makes each other want to hate themselves sometimes. They questions each others motives, intentions, which they normally shouldn't. So what do you do when you cannot love someone, or that love has somehow faded, because I think this love was never genuine to begin with? You need someone you can share your secrets with, someone that’s just going to listen and laugh at you, and tell you that none of that matters. Because why should it? I wish I could see that kind of love anywhere.
Anyway I found myself drawn to the quotes about love. And a general theme that I was not expecting to notice was the theme of acceptance. Love is when a person listens to everything you say, and accepts you with your flaws. Love is when a person sees through the disguises, and chooses to stay. But when people love each other they starts expecting from their partner. I saw many of married friends who were once deeply in love or maybe they are currently in love as well. But somehow i wonder when they left home each day, left their partners. Were they going because they needed their own life, or were they going because they just didn’t want to be with their partners? The real problem was not apparent. I have all of these ideas about love. I have this picture of what love should be in my head, just as I’m sure everyone else does. Something that has been molded by Disney movies, and SRK's romantic movies. Love should be epic. Love should be earth-shattering. Love should stop time. Love should consume you. And this love which i see on daily basis in these people is not that, for one reason they cannot accept one another. They wishes their partner was someone else, someone better. They regrets the things their partners do. And it is because of this that I wonder if they really truly loves each other, or if they simply wants to, but cannot. It’s not a problem of them loving another, it’s about them not really loving each other. They makes each other want to hate themselves sometimes. They questions each others motives, intentions, which they normally shouldn't. So what do you do when you cannot love someone, or that love has somehow faded, because I think this love was never genuine to begin with? You need someone you can share your secrets with, someone that’s just going to listen and laugh at you, and tell you that none of that matters. Because why should it? I wish I could see that kind of love anywhere.
But I don't, or maybe will never see, the string that unravels the tapestry that we call “us”. And all I can do is watch as I dive in deeper because I feel like I can save it. I can make them see, but somehow deep down I know that they doesn’t want to see. They wants something more than their partner could be, something different, but they cannot be anyone but this. And so here I am left to revel in yet another destruction, wondering if I would ever be able to see that kind of love in others which I don't think could ever be in my own life.
Unraveling us, to uncover me and you.....
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