Skip to main content

Free

Sometimes i wish I could teleport only for a moment to catch my breath again. If only I could time travel as well. I would go back to a time when I could place smile on my face without forcing myself most of the time.

Sometimes when I am stuck in a room full of people I would feel more lonely and more empty than ever. In those moments I wish to remain alone with my darkest and saddest of emotions. Instead I am forced to supress them and lock them down like I always do.

Laughter and smiles of these people seems like a bullets spearing right through my heart one by one that too in slow motion. Like i can feel each and every word of theirs spliting my skin open same as a sharp razor will feel against the smooth skin. It's always too much (not pain) as it won't allow me to breathe or to see and suddenly it all become too overhwhelming for me too handle. As I feel these voices theirs words will consume me... I close my eyes and try to shut down them down..starting to shrink inside my head..because it is where I try to figure everything out. It is my safest place..as in my mind I could question and analyze and try to make sense of everything especially my being amongst them...

But these voices...laughter...try to keep me outward...keeping me on my defenses whereas I am desperately longing to disappear..
Suddenly I feel this urge...urge to breathe...urge to fly...urge to be free forever from all these voices and more importantly from myself...But the question is that will be they ever set me free?????










Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is love?

I feel like somehow my life is on consistent repeat. We all imagine that as we grow up we change, and we leave behind a million versions of ourselves. We believe that when we change we are this totally new person, that we have somehow adopted new ways of life… but yet I always seem to find my way back here. I feel like I have a pattern, a pattern that I wish I could break, but one that I know will somehow continue on forever. Every couple months I end up back here, back to my writing, and inevitably back to reading quotes in order to feel better about my life. I want to feel like someone out there knows how I’m feeling. But the problem seems to be that I cannot for the life of me figure out how I am feeling in the first place. My intention was to find a quote to summarize my view of life. I wanted something poetic, something groundbreaking. Needless to say, I did not find that. I think the only way I ever would is if they tumbled out of these misguided fingers without purpose or pau...
Post a Comment
Read more

Goodbye

It's hard looking back sometimes. It's hard to come back here and read the words of a girl that gave everything she was to a boy that didn't want her. A boy that never deserved her. Whoever that girl was, she doesn't exist anymore. That girl that would give anything, change anything, be anything for love no longer exists. She died the day she realized who that boy truly was. I will fully admit that I was that girl. I was that dreamer that wanted to believe that there was some good in all people, that even if someone did something bad, that there was a reason behind it. No person was evil or mean at heart, they were simply lost. After the events of the past year I can say that some people harbor an evil within them that cannot be explained, and cannot be fixed. There are liars, and abusers and worthless human beings in this world. He was one of them. So this is my last letter to him. A hardened goodbye that until today I have been too scared to attempt to write. Becaus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cursed

" Cursed " the word which has fascinated me since the beginning. I always wanted to know how the people who are cursed looked like....at this point of time in life I can say I now know how they look like. They don't look different from others. You won't even recognize them in the crowd. Like I don't recognized myself for so long. All my life I was looking for the cursed people whereas the curse was lying inside me. Subconsciously I wasn't searching for anyone else but myself this whole time. I somehow know deep inside that I am cursed from the beginning. My curse is that people will love me and then leave me. They make me addicted to them and then when I forgot how to live without them, breathe without them, they will leave me. Leave me to be with my cursed self.  I always wondered that why haven't I learned a lesson to not love anyone deeply after being left by someone first time, then second time and then third time. Because it was\is my curse to love th...
Post a Comment
Read more